For most adults, parents and non parents this word can conjure up a huge variety of images. Some are good and some are down right scary! I have heard through the years from other parents "enjoy your kids while they are young, once they are teenagers it all changes", more often with a hint of sarcasm. Since Jessica moved out I have though a lot about this teen subject, am I a good mom? I would like to think I am. Parenting a teen is different in obvious ways to parenting a child. The physical demands of parenting changes, I don't have to cut their food, bathe them, hold their hand in public places. But the emotional parenting is harder, I am a mentor. I think parenting teens is so far my favorite part of being a mother. I love getting to know who they are, what they believe, what they enjoy. They are forming thoughts, opinions and habits that they could possibly embrace over the course of their entire life. They are also trying on all the many hats of life. I love to see them do this. Sometimes it is frustrating to sit back and watch, but I have to remind myself that I did it too! I have one daughter who didn't want to conform in Jr. High, so everyday she was different. The way that looked for her was that one day she would dress preppy, the next she was a punk princess, the next sporty girl. As she did this she was able to decide which of these persona's she felt more connected too. She was able to get real world feedback, natural consequences.
Listening is by far the biggest tool in my box, definitely the most used. Being there to listen to the joys, tears and ranting is mandatory. They will test the limits, and by doing so learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. The next tool would be food and fun. Before our girls got to be teens, Brad and I made a decision. That decision was this, if the girls were going to "hang out" it would be at our house whenever possible. We had to supply the entertainment to keep them home with out controlling their lives. We knew that having a variety of things would help to keep it interesting. The first was the trampoline, they spent hours on that thing. Brad didn't want to get it, but we did and it was the center of entertainment for years! Sometimes the whole family would get on it! From Summer sleepovers to Fall leaf pile jumping. It was used almost year round. The X-Box, was another thing that kept the kids gravitating to our home. They could have 4 people playing games at a time. But I think that the biggest was just the open invitation, the girls and their friends, boys and girls, knew they were always welcome to be with us. I spent several years feeding teenage boys after school snacks and dinner, doing homework with them, and listening. I breaks my heart to hear about teenagers who are not close with their parents. I am so grateful that I have a good strong relationship with my girls! Jessica is a very smart and responsible gal, I hope that I gave her the tools she needs to carve a place in the world. But she knows that I am always hear to listen...
Listening is by far the biggest tool in my box, definitely the most used. Being there to listen to the joys, tears and ranting is mandatory. They will test the limits, and by doing so learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. The next tool would be food and fun. Before our girls got to be teens, Brad and I made a decision. That decision was this, if the girls were going to "hang out" it would be at our house whenever possible. We had to supply the entertainment to keep them home with out controlling their lives. We knew that having a variety of things would help to keep it interesting. The first was the trampoline, they spent hours on that thing. Brad didn't want to get it, but we did and it was the center of entertainment for years! Sometimes the whole family would get on it! From Summer sleepovers to Fall leaf pile jumping. It was used almost year round. The X-Box, was another thing that kept the kids gravitating to our home. They could have 4 people playing games at a time. But I think that the biggest was just the open invitation, the girls and their friends, boys and girls, knew they were always welcome to be with us. I spent several years feeding teenage boys after school snacks and dinner, doing homework with them, and listening. I breaks my heart to hear about teenagers who are not close with their parents. I am so grateful that I have a good strong relationship with my girls! Jessica is a very smart and responsible gal, I hope that I gave her the tools she needs to carve a place in the world. But she knows that I am always hear to listen...
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